dear joe.
i figured it out, i did it.
the reason why i've done everything, why i pretended to be The Big Bad Wolf;
why we let it continue- it's because when Ski Resort is miserable i am...
Or Well all i've ever wanted is to make her happy.
My goal was to 'fix her' in a way.
And all of my friends, I get this deep connection.
So the entire time I was trying to fill her needs.
In order to fill my own.
So i'll make others happy to make myself happy...
Or hurt others to upset myself.
Which is a really bad thing. :[
That's not what I was thinking about though...
It's a reason why I was a dick but not what I was thinking.
Even though we knew subconsciously, we wanted to believe it wasn't true.
I knew the entire time- obviously; but at a point i lost memory of it
but i knew when we talked about it, the person on the other side was me.
she had to figure it out at some point, but she chose to disregard it because she wanted to.
we still want to believe in it, at least i do. I can't listen to those beautiful songs without being reminded of her. I feel like they're written about her. Not from me; I don't want that to get mistaken. There was one that sounded like it was about our little separation, and I was like "dear fucking god, how do you always know Fagged Out Trio?" but I couldn't get to the sixth song without a panic attack... I've never been able to hate something more interesting in my life.
That's what you get for messing with the Big Bad Wolf and his Little Red Riding Hood, I guess.
Showing posts with label ski resort. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ski resort. Show all posts
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Dec 10, 08
Dear Jewseph,
That last post was a mistake I guess. It caused drama, not the note itself but the expression I gave off. My problems are bad problems, you see, my outbursts are to be contained because they're more dangerous than wildfire. Sharing my uncomfort with a friend, Justin, was a huge mistake. I had a nightmare, which my friend, you were in. (You were my night in shining armor, which is rare in nightmares, I usually have only boogie-mans.) He was also a good guy in this dream so when he texted me this morning I was stoked, I felt it was a good omen.
No it was more like IRONY. I shared my problem and we began the age old argument of me and the Ski Resort. (that's a metaphor.)
I will not waste time by giving details of the tried conversation, but there was one particular thing that made me- speechless. I went to school in a psychward for about a month because of incidence that had occurred with the Ski Resort and he begged to differ that his opinion was better than theirs because he had 'gone through it.'
I am sorry dear friend, the opinion of a goth who stayed at the Ski Resort does not overpower the opinion of multiple therapists.
But luckily I was able to tell him that the conversation was going in a bad direction and I didn't want it to continue any further so it didn't get me too upset. So I did good, Josephinneee.
And then I watched "Can't buy me love" and drooled over how HOTTTTTT Patrick Dempsy was, but he's no you my dear- ;U
While I continue to push the people in my physical life away, I think I'll always keep Joe Trohman right here. In my heart, no matter how creepy his beard is... Or how bad his band gets. I will always love that jew. <- my pledge.
That last post was a mistake I guess. It caused drama, not the note itself but the expression I gave off. My problems are bad problems, you see, my outbursts are to be contained because they're more dangerous than wildfire. Sharing my uncomfort with a friend, Justin, was a huge mistake. I had a nightmare, which my friend, you were in. (You were my night in shining armor, which is rare in nightmares, I usually have only boogie-mans.) He was also a good guy in this dream so when he texted me this morning I was stoked, I felt it was a good omen.
No it was more like IRONY. I shared my problem and we began the age old argument of me and the Ski Resort. (that's a metaphor.)
I will not waste time by giving details of the tried conversation, but there was one particular thing that made me- speechless. I went to school in a psychward for about a month because of incidence that had occurred with the Ski Resort and he begged to differ that his opinion was better than theirs because he had 'gone through it.'
I am sorry dear friend, the opinion of a goth who stayed at the Ski Resort does not overpower the opinion of multiple therapists.
But luckily I was able to tell him that the conversation was going in a bad direction and I didn't want it to continue any further so it didn't get me too upset. So I did good, Josephinneee.
And then I watched "Can't buy me love" and drooled over how HOTTTTTT Patrick Dempsy was, but he's no you my dear- ;U
While I continue to push the people in my physical life away, I think I'll always keep Joe Trohman right here. In my heart, no matter how creepy his beard is... Or how bad his band gets. I will always love that jew. <- my pledge.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
